Monday, April 18, 2011
Responce to "List of Cisgender Privileges"
The other day, a friend and transgender activist posted a "List of Cisgender Privilages" that she had found online. This list, a notable transgender meme, was supposedly inspired by "White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack," a shortened form of feminist and anti-racist scholar and activist Peggy McIntosh's 1988 essay "White Privilege and Male Privilege: a Personal Account of Coming to See Correspondences through Work in Women's Studies." This latter work, though at present a tad dated, is a serious player in Gender Studies circles, and McIntosh is a well-respected figure.
This list inspired by her work, though, isn't as brilliant. To the positive, the list - which I will post here and to which I will respond line-by-line - makes some solid and impactful assessments; to the negative, though, it makes just as many half-baked ones, which neither further the movement for social equality and justice for transgender people nor paints a totally-accurate account of their realities.
The author of this particular list is unknown. Additionally, what I like about said list is that it looks upon cisgender people as the subject. Too often, non-heteronormative people are studied and scrutinized as the "other," meaning that almost all research fails to look back and study the majority. This list attempts to undo this problem by studying the majority, something expertly suggested by Toni Morrison in her 1992 piece Playing in the Dark: Whiteness and the Literary Imagination.
This list inspired by her work, though, isn't as brilliant. To the positive, the list - which I will post here and to which I will respond line-by-line - makes some solid and impactful assessments; to the negative, though, it makes just as many half-baked ones, which neither further the movement for social equality and justice for transgender people nor paints a totally-accurate account of their realities.
The author of this particular list is unknown. Additionally, what I like about said list is that it looks upon cisgender people as the subject. Too often, non-heteronormative people are studied and scrutinized as the "other," meaning that almost all research fails to look back and study the majority. This list attempts to undo this problem by studying the majority, something expertly suggested by Toni Morrison in her 1992 piece Playing in the Dark: Whiteness and the Literary Imagination.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Word of the Day: Refractory Period
refractory period (n): the timespan, usually in a male, after orgasm in which a person is incapable of achieving another orgasm
After a male orgams, his penis becomes flaccid and he cannot orgasm for some time; this is the refractory period. The vast, vast majority of males experience a refractory period, and it lasts about thirty minutes on average. It is normal for a man's refractory period to grow longer as he ages; some studies find that 18-year-old men have a refractory period of about fifteen minutes and 70-year-olds have one that last about two hours. A few males do not have a refractory period, or at least one that is only a few seconds, although they are a very small minority.
Unlike males, females do not usually have a refractory period, and thus they are able to acheive multiple orgams through continued stimulation. Pro Tip, men into women: your refractory period is a great time to focus on your partner, maybe through oral sex or another beloved activity that doesn't require your genitals. She'll definately appreciate this time, gentlemen!
After a male orgams, his penis becomes flaccid and he cannot orgasm for some time; this is the refractory period. The vast, vast majority of males experience a refractory period, and it lasts about thirty minutes on average. It is normal for a man's refractory period to grow longer as he ages; some studies find that 18-year-old men have a refractory period of about fifteen minutes and 70-year-olds have one that last about two hours. A few males do not have a refractory period, or at least one that is only a few seconds, although they are a very small minority.
Unlike males, females do not usually have a refractory period, and thus they are able to acheive multiple orgams through continued stimulation. Pro Tip, men into women: your refractory period is a great time to focus on your partner, maybe through oral sex or another beloved activity that doesn't require your genitals. She'll definately appreciate this time, gentlemen!
Trannygirl15 on "Why Men Like Transsexuals"
In her vlog “Why Men Like Transsexuals,” trannygirl15 offers her opinions on how and why heterosexual and bisexual men may be attracted to transsexual women. Unfortunately, she gets it all really, really wrong. Now, Maxine does state that she offers her own opinions in her vlog, and you and I can take solace in the fact that her opinions aren’t based on any empirical evidence!
Trannygirl15 begins her video with a pseudo-factoid that really interests me: she claims that men interested in trans women outnumber the latter 20-plus:1. She cites the prevalence of “shemale” pornography as proof of this assertion. Herein begin the fundamental complications with this position. Firstly, in citing pornography, Maxine suggests that porn reflects real-world sexualities. I have major reservations against this assertion, for pornography is a multi-billion dollar industry that utilizes fantasy and compensated models to titillate; real-world sexualities, on the other hand, are intimate and personal, multifaceted and innumerable totalities of sexual experiences that are far too grand and special to capture in a mass-produced product. Just in terms of scale, there’s simply no way that pornography accurately depicts any individual’s whole sexuality, so Maxine’s suggestion falls to inherent fallacy. Secondly, in her insinuation that trans admirers are attracted to “shemale” porn, Maxine forgets that that are plenty of people who are attracted to trans people regardless of their trans identity! That is, Maxine, when someone is attracted to you, who happens to be a transsexual woman, that does not mean that they are interested in you specifically because you are trans; you are a tall, slender, large-breasted woman with an attractive face, and so it’s really not too strange to imagine that strangers might be attracted to you!
Trannygirl15 also recounts a personal anecdote that I find to exhibit a high degree of internalized transphobia. She relates that she has been approached by men at bars several times and, wanting to escape their advances, she decides “to tell them that I am a transsexual… and that will hopefully freak them out a little.” Her underlying argument here, tragically, is that transsexual people are innately undesirable partners; after all, they must be unfashionable partners if revealing one’s trans identity is presumably enough to end unwarranted advances, right? This suggestion proliferates the discourse that transgender and transsexual people are “defective” members of their desired biosex. I find this kind of thinking extremely offensive. I also find it to be counterproductive to the goals of the complete trans equality and integration that Maxine supposedly hopes to inspire through vlogging.
Next, Maxine agrees that “some” admirers of transsexual women may simply be gay men who are subverting their homosexual desires by partnering with the next-best thing. Essentially, the argument here is, “Well, she’s really a man, but she looks feminine enough that no one will think I’m a homo.” The lines of thought behind this assertion are feeble. For one thing, if trans admirers were really just highly-closeted homosexuals, they’d simply just sleep with members of their own sex. Why would they go through this supposed charade of heteronormativity with transsexual women if they were interested in sexing other men all along? If you’ve ever checked any Craigslist personal ad, you’d know that there is a whole world of underground, closeted homo- and bisexual people who are looking to connect with other closeted people; trans people don’t really fit anywhere into that equation, so it’s confusing (and troublesome) that “guru” Maxine suggests they do. As a gay man myself, I can freely say that we’re not interested in trans women. Why? Because they’re women! We’re hoping for strapping David with overdeveloped arms, a beard, and a chocolaty baritone voice, not beautiful Sarah with curvy hips!
 |
| Gay 101 |
Her next reason why some men might like transsexual women is that these men have a “penis fetish.” Here, trannygirl15 gets the technical definition of a “fetish” wrong. Per the word’s true definition, a fetish is something that a person must have in order to feel sexually satisfied. Thus, there are two issues with Maxine’s thinking: one, most male admirers of trans women already have their own penises (Imagine that!); and two, if they truly require their partner to have a penis in order to feel sexually fulfilled, they would thus have to be exclusively attracted to pre-op or non-op transsexual women or cisgender men so that they could interact with another penis. These logical assumptions, though, don’t stand up to real-world scenarios, for trans admirers are seemingly heterosexual and likely not attracted exclusively to trans women, and thus trannygirl15’s assessment is wrong.
Lastly, she muses that a lack of anatomy education for children might leave some young males with the impression that females have penises, creating a lasting sexual desire for women with penises. For the record, I agree with Maxine’s first argument that there is a serious lack of sex education, which leaves a serious gap in information for young people. The second part of this theory, though, is really far-fetched. By the time puberty begins, word has definitely gotten around that genital sexual dimorphism exists, and I highly doubt that there are many pubescent males masturbating to the image of their friend’s older sister’s penis. Additionally, this argument Maxine makes contradicts her earlier assessment that trans admirers are extremely more numerous than trans women, which creates an impassable paradox.
Dear readers, I think it is important to reflect on why this topic is meaningful at all. After all, the topic, boiled down to its foundation, amounts to “Why do hetero- and bisexual men like women?” as if that’s the most complicated or unfathomable question of the millennium. In her video, I think trannygirl15 unwillingly offers a look into the intellectualizations of transsexual women, a minoritized group of individuals who struggle with overcoming the fallacious stereotypes pushed upon them by pornography. (That’s for another blog.) But, in reality, why is it so important to “figure out” why men might be attracted to trans women. Imagine if you constantly needed to ask and question your partner about why s/he likes you; eventually you’d drive yourself crazy and annoy the hell out of your partner. Instead, there is a degree of mutual suspension of intellectualization that is inherent in pairbonding, and unfortunately, trans people are not yet permitted to experience that suspension due to outside cultural pressures.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Out Magazine's Disrespectful Power 50 List
Today, Out Magazine released their fifth annual Power 50, a list they compile of the fifty most-“power[ful] and talent[ed].” Having the largest monthly circulation of any LGBT periodical with 203,000 copies per month, Out is arguably a major player in LGBT news, identity, and community. It is both disappointing and hurtful, then, that four of the top ten featured individuals are not outly lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender.
Placed this year at number three, Anderson Cooper. Cooper’s place on the list is not in question – after all, he headed the late-2010 national media coverage on the series of suicides by young LGBT people due to bullying; he closelined anti-gay, totally-delusional bigot Andrew Shirvell on stalking and bullying the gay Student-body President of the University of Michigan; and he’s obviously gay. (Thanks, Kathy Griffin!) What is in question, though, is Out’s decision to place him on the top ten, for though he may be very influential and attractive, Anderson Cooper is not out. Unbelievably, Cooper beat out Rachel Maddow, an equally-influential political commentator who is actually brave enough to be open about her lesbianism. (Maddow came in at number four, one spot behind Cooper.)
At number six is Shepard Smith, the longstanding Fox News host of Fox Report with Shepard Smith. Smith’s position on the list is utterly, completely baffling. None of Smith’s official bios note that he is gay or bi; said bios do, however, note that he was once married to a college classmate (a woman) and that the pair divorced in 1993! To add insult to injury, Smith’s show frequently features anti-gay zealots such as Mike Huckabee and Maggie Gallagher. But there are a lot of internet rumors about Smith’s sexuality, aren’t there, Out? So that totally makes his inclusion logical!
Peter Theil, American entrepreneur, hedge fund manager, and Libertarian (aka Ron Paul enthusiast), is number seven. Like Anderson Cooper, Thiel’s inclusion on the list isn’t a complete mystery, for he has supported the American Foundation for Equal Rights and GoProud. However, like the previous two entries, Theil is not out, and may not even be LGBT.
Finally, Barry Diller is number 8. Diller is a very wealthy media executive; indeed, as the list focuses on power, Diller has plenty to go around. His inclusion on Out’s list though, is built entirely on gay rumors began by Andy Warhol, who you can totally believe because he is well-known for telling the truth. Apparently, lots of people assumed that Diller is gay, and ergo he deserves to be on Out’s list. That’s some integrity-filled compiling, Out Magazine!
What upsets me most about Out’s list if the lack of respect for LGBT people found within it. By placing four individuals who are not out, maybe not even LGBT, and not specifically straight allies of the community within the top ten, Out asserts that out LGBT people aren’t worthy of being on a list specifically-designed to celebrate them. Instead, the message that Out’s line-up sends is, “Yeah, confident and brave out LGBT activist, you might be working hard to achieve equality, but you’re not as good as these two closet cases, a really rich guy who some crazy artist wanted to be gay, and a Fox News commentator. They’re the REAL LGBT powerhouses.” Put simply, Out, fuck you.
Out’s actions continue the meme that LGBT people are unworthy, that they deserve to be second-class citizens, that they don’t deserve self-respect and community pride. As an LGBT periodical, Out’s very purpose should be to fight this kind if ideology; Out, however, seemingly disagrees, human dignity be damned.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Ask Sexpertesse: Is my Post-Orgasm Depression Normal?
Dear Sexpertesse,
I am a nineteen-year-old male, and am a healthy person. However, I have this problem: I feel really sad and lonely after masturbating. This problem is so big that it prevents me from even trying most of the time, although I have no problems feeling horny or getting hard or anything like that. Is this normal? Can I do anything to prevent it?
Dear reader,
Take a deep breath, for what you are experiencing is a real thing and you can overcome it!
What you describe is called Post-Coital Tristesse, or PCT. Post-Coital Tristesse means “after-sex” (from Latin) “sadness” (from French), and it is characterized by intense sadness, depression, melancholy, and/or anxiety after orgasm. PCT usually lasts between thirty minutes and two hours. Additionally, PCT supposedly affects more men than women.
Post-Coital Tristesse is caused by a very-predictable flux in hormones that occurs in all humans after orgasm. After orgasm, levels of dopamine – a hormone heavily associated with sexual pleasure – plummet in the brain. At the same time, dopamine is also responsible for regulating the hormone prolactin, which is secreted continuously by the lactotrope cells in the absence of dopamine. With the lack of dopamine, prolactin levels rise, which retards the sexual arousal cycle (causing the refractory period) and, more importantly to the topic, induces the unwanted feelings of negativity. In other words, once a person orgasms, their levels of prolactin increase, which causes the depressive feelings of PCT. PCT, then, is a condition in which a person’s body does not reach hormonal equilibrium quickly enough after orgasm. Fortunately, there is some evidence that suggests that a person can overcome this imbalance in a refreshingly-simple way!
Interesting, some clinical studies have found that as many as 86% of people experiencing PCT are able to overcome it by simply reminding themselves that PCT is nothing more than a chemical imbalance that will soon right itself. Thus, what I recommend to you, dear reader, is this: when next you experience these negative feelings after orgasm, say aloud, “These feelings are not my fault. They are PCT, they will go away as my hormones regularize, and I will feel normal and content again soon!” This method isn’t quirky or unscientific; after all, thinking itself is a neurochemical and –electrical process, just like the unconscious thoughts through which the brain regulates hormone levels. Talk about the power of positive thinking, huh?!
Supposedly, most people will experience Post-Coital Tristesse a few times during their lifetime, but only a few will experience it serially or regularly. For this latter, smaller group, 86% of them will rid of these feelings through education about PCT and the way it works within two years. For those other 14%, though, they may want to consult with an endocrinologist and/or a therapist or sex therapist in their area for different help.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Trans Community on YouTube
Like their lesbian, gay, and bisexual peers, transgender people can feel very isolated and alone in their communities. In response to this perceived lack of likeminded people, a flourishing community of thoughtful trans individuals began sharing their experiences on YouTube. Over the last four years, this community has skyrocketed in number of vloggers and number of subscribers, making YouTube one of the largest trans community portals on the internet.
Though many identify in their videos simply as "trans," they are, in fact, transsexual people, those who transition both socially and medically from one sex and gender identity to the other.
The premiere of these trans vloggers is Grishno, a trans woman who essentially began the YouTube trans community with her vlog a little more than four years ago. You can access her YouTube profile and her videos by clicking here. In January 2009, she launched grishno.com to further her exposure and reach; the link to grishno.com is here. Grishno enjoys a kind of internet celebrity, if you will, and she focuses more on trans activism than personal experience, meaning that her videos don't always offer incredible insights. But she is a powerful speaker and meaningful figure who deserves to be recognized. Personal note: in November 2010, Grishno was a speaker at the Montana Transgender Day of Recognition, a not-for-profit organization I conceptualized and helped begin with a fabulous trans activist named Bree in 2009; Grishno was a lovely, kind, and vivacious young woman. If you would like to share a laugh with Grishno, check out her hilarious video called "SEX," linked here.
Ashley, I feel, is the heart of thoughtful and intelligent trans discourse. Under the handle icecoldbath, which you can find here, Ashley records the totality of her transition. Seemingly inspired to live as her true self due to the death of her mother, her three-year-long video history chronicles everything from her first hormone replacement therapy regimen to (today) her life mostly-post-transition. Ashley's first moments are particularly tender: piercing her ears and purchasing a pearl bracelet make interesting windows into the feelings of being deprived of the "proper" childhood many trans people experience. More important than the journal of her physical transition, however, Ashley uses her vlog to muse about the philosophical elements of trans identity and community. For example, she tackles her objection to the notion of "stealth" in her video called "stealth is wrong," explores inequality within the trans community in "More Trans than Thou," and deconstructs the semantic meanings of trans community jargon. Truly, Ashley's videos should be watched from beginning to end, if for nothing else than that she sometimes revisits old topics with new perspectives, and you don't want to miss out on that. Ashley's video production has slowed down considerably now that the majority of her physical and social transitions are over, but she does continue to update occassionally. (Ashley, if you ever read this blog, I would very much like to brainstorm with you; please contact me!)
Charlotte is the pseudonymn of a trans woman who vlogs as karmatic1110, who you can find here. She is particularly interesting to me for two reasons. Firstly, Charlotte tends to focus on the darker, sadder elements of being a transsexual person. Though not a happy realm of ideas - and they take obvious tolls on her happiness - these are real, very human aspects of trans identity in modernity. In particular, Charlotte seems to talk about the ways people react to her as a trans person, both online and in person. As a lesbian, she also gives great detail to discrimination against trans women within lesbian communities, a topic that majorly affects her on the personal level. This discussion about the interplay of gender and sexuality is the second reason Charlotte captures me. Though her subject matter is not particularly joyful, Charlotte is unafraid to dive into the topics that bother her most, and in doing so, she offers a perspective that no other trans vlogger provides.
Leonardo is royale76, who you can find at this link. A trans man in Canada, he often focuses on how passing as a cisgender man (which he does very easily) fails to provide him the kind of internal happiness he hopes it will. His ethnic identity as an Arab-Canadian is also discussed in his videos, and becomes particularly important in his coming out process to his family. The majority of his videos, though, focus on self-loathing, particularly on how his internalized transphobia inhibits him from meeting straight women, something he very much wishes to do. His video about what he calls "penis dysphoria" touches on this issue. Since his top surgery, he no longer posts new videos, but his older material is still relevant. It's worth mentioning that Leonardo also does song covers in many of his videos, and he has a lovely voice. He's also quite handsome....
TrannyGirl15 is the screen name of Maxine, a French-Canadian trans woman and prolific vlogger. Her intended audience seems to be younger trans women, who she coaches through various aspects of transition, such as makeup, sex and relationships, and "passing." Like Ashley, Maxine focuses on intellectual aspects of trans identity; unlike Ashley, I disagree with almost everything Maxine has to say! It's true; I've honestly never gotten through a whole TrannyGirl15 video without wholeheartedly disagreeing with something she has to say, but I find that to be a testament to both the magnificent nature of intellectual discourses and her perspicacious personality. Being an intelligent woman, Maxine is a graduate student of artificial intelligence, and so much of her vlog focuses on her transition at school. Maxine is also a femme-identified lesbian. Having saved for her medical transitions, many of her recent videos focus on surgical elements of her transition, something that sets her apart from most of these vloggers. Maxine's videos are often very long, upwards of twenty minutes, so those of us hyperwired technology natives will need to take breaks during her videos. Given my love-hate relationship with many of the things she has to say in her videos, I fathom I will inevitably write about TrannyGirl15 in the future.
Braunwyne vlogs as Bronwyn031, the link to which can be found here. Her perspective is laid back and highly diary-like, and I appreciate that she occassionally touches on being a trans person of color. Working within the US military, her transition while on the job is of particular interest. Her more recent videos include continuing her physical transition, the effects of marriage inequality in the state in which she lives, moving into adulthood, and her relationship with her wife. Upon her marriage, she and her wife begin to do videos together, sometimes discussing what they call a "trans-lesbian" relationship; thus, the interplay between gender and sexuality is a key topic to see in action through Braunwyne's videos. Personal note: Braunwyne's wife happens to be a friend of mine!
Perhaps my favorite vlogger of all time - trans or cisgender - is Candi, who vlogs under the name CandiFLA. Candi is notable for her incredible male-to-female voice work and the unique manner in which she transitioned. Candi's transition can only be described as slow and methodical; she began transitioning later in life (though she looks very young, she is forty-years-old) and didn't begin living full-time until years into her transition. Candi's patience in transitioning is mirrored by the unique ways in which she comes out to (or rather, how she doesn't come out) to her family and coworkers. At present, she now lives full-time as herself and is partnered, meaning that she now releases videos at a slower pace. Did I also mention that Candi is hilarious? Cuz she is. Given the slow process in which she transitioned, Candi actively mantained a male identity in her day-to-day life for the first few years of her vlogging; in that time, she goes on "dates" with her male and female selves, plays dress-up for the camera, makes suggestive videos about powertools, and brings a lighthearted element to a topic and community that, sadly, feels the serious sting of depression and inequality. Oh, and she loves the boobies.
The last vlogger I will include here is Aydin, an eloquent trans man who focuses on life post-transition. He vlogs under the handle 33Aydin, and his YouTube channel can be accessed by clicking here. Like many of these individuals, I've been following Aydin for several years, but I'll cut my analysis and recommendation short, as I will have more to say about him in an upcoming post.
Though many identify in their videos simply as "trans," they are, in fact, transsexual people, those who transition both socially and medically from one sex and gender identity to the other.
The premiere of these trans vloggers is Grishno, a trans woman who essentially began the YouTube trans community with her vlog a little more than four years ago. You can access her YouTube profile and her videos by clicking here. In January 2009, she launched grishno.com to further her exposure and reach; the link to grishno.com is here. Grishno enjoys a kind of internet celebrity, if you will, and she focuses more on trans activism than personal experience, meaning that her videos don't always offer incredible insights. But she is a powerful speaker and meaningful figure who deserves to be recognized. Personal note: in November 2010, Grishno was a speaker at the Montana Transgender Day of Recognition, a not-for-profit organization I conceptualized and helped begin with a fabulous trans activist named Bree in 2009; Grishno was a lovely, kind, and vivacious young woman. If you would like to share a laugh with Grishno, check out her hilarious video called "SEX," linked here.
Ashley, I feel, is the heart of thoughtful and intelligent trans discourse. Under the handle icecoldbath, which you can find here, Ashley records the totality of her transition. Seemingly inspired to live as her true self due to the death of her mother, her three-year-long video history chronicles everything from her first hormone replacement therapy regimen to (today) her life mostly-post-transition. Ashley's first moments are particularly tender: piercing her ears and purchasing a pearl bracelet make interesting windows into the feelings of being deprived of the "proper" childhood many trans people experience. More important than the journal of her physical transition, however, Ashley uses her vlog to muse about the philosophical elements of trans identity and community. For example, she tackles her objection to the notion of "stealth" in her video called "stealth is wrong," explores inequality within the trans community in "More Trans than Thou," and deconstructs the semantic meanings of trans community jargon. Truly, Ashley's videos should be watched from beginning to end, if for nothing else than that she sometimes revisits old topics with new perspectives, and you don't want to miss out on that. Ashley's video production has slowed down considerably now that the majority of her physical and social transitions are over, but she does continue to update occassionally. (Ashley, if you ever read this blog, I would very much like to brainstorm with you; please contact me!)
Charlotte is the pseudonymn of a trans woman who vlogs as karmatic1110, who you can find here. She is particularly interesting to me for two reasons. Firstly, Charlotte tends to focus on the darker, sadder elements of being a transsexual person. Though not a happy realm of ideas - and they take obvious tolls on her happiness - these are real, very human aspects of trans identity in modernity. In particular, Charlotte seems to talk about the ways people react to her as a trans person, both online and in person. As a lesbian, she also gives great detail to discrimination against trans women within lesbian communities, a topic that majorly affects her on the personal level. This discussion about the interplay of gender and sexuality is the second reason Charlotte captures me. Though her subject matter is not particularly joyful, Charlotte is unafraid to dive into the topics that bother her most, and in doing so, she offers a perspective that no other trans vlogger provides.
Leonardo is royale76, who you can find at this link. A trans man in Canada, he often focuses on how passing as a cisgender man (which he does very easily) fails to provide him the kind of internal happiness he hopes it will. His ethnic identity as an Arab-Canadian is also discussed in his videos, and becomes particularly important in his coming out process to his family. The majority of his videos, though, focus on self-loathing, particularly on how his internalized transphobia inhibits him from meeting straight women, something he very much wishes to do. His video about what he calls "penis dysphoria" touches on this issue. Since his top surgery, he no longer posts new videos, but his older material is still relevant. It's worth mentioning that Leonardo also does song covers in many of his videos, and he has a lovely voice. He's also quite handsome....
TrannyGirl15 is the screen name of Maxine, a French-Canadian trans woman and prolific vlogger. Her intended audience seems to be younger trans women, who she coaches through various aspects of transition, such as makeup, sex and relationships, and "passing." Like Ashley, Maxine focuses on intellectual aspects of trans identity; unlike Ashley, I disagree with almost everything Maxine has to say! It's true; I've honestly never gotten through a whole TrannyGirl15 video without wholeheartedly disagreeing with something she has to say, but I find that to be a testament to both the magnificent nature of intellectual discourses and her perspicacious personality. Being an intelligent woman, Maxine is a graduate student of artificial intelligence, and so much of her vlog focuses on her transition at school. Maxine is also a femme-identified lesbian. Having saved for her medical transitions, many of her recent videos focus on surgical elements of her transition, something that sets her apart from most of these vloggers. Maxine's videos are often very long, upwards of twenty minutes, so those of us hyperwired technology natives will need to take breaks during her videos. Given my love-hate relationship with many of the things she has to say in her videos, I fathom I will inevitably write about TrannyGirl15 in the future.
Braunwyne vlogs as Bronwyn031, the link to which can be found here. Her perspective is laid back and highly diary-like, and I appreciate that she occassionally touches on being a trans person of color. Working within the US military, her transition while on the job is of particular interest. Her more recent videos include continuing her physical transition, the effects of marriage inequality in the state in which she lives, moving into adulthood, and her relationship with her wife. Upon her marriage, she and her wife begin to do videos together, sometimes discussing what they call a "trans-lesbian" relationship; thus, the interplay between gender and sexuality is a key topic to see in action through Braunwyne's videos. Personal note: Braunwyne's wife happens to be a friend of mine!
Perhaps my favorite vlogger of all time - trans or cisgender - is Candi, who vlogs under the name CandiFLA. Candi is notable for her incredible male-to-female voice work and the unique manner in which she transitioned. Candi's transition can only be described as slow and methodical; she began transitioning later in life (though she looks very young, she is forty-years-old) and didn't begin living full-time until years into her transition. Candi's patience in transitioning is mirrored by the unique ways in which she comes out to (or rather, how she doesn't come out) to her family and coworkers. At present, she now lives full-time as herself and is partnered, meaning that she now releases videos at a slower pace. Did I also mention that Candi is hilarious? Cuz she is. Given the slow process in which she transitioned, Candi actively mantained a male identity in her day-to-day life for the first few years of her vlogging; in that time, she goes on "dates" with her male and female selves, plays dress-up for the camera, makes suggestive videos about powertools, and brings a lighthearted element to a topic and community that, sadly, feels the serious sting of depression and inequality. Oh, and she loves the boobies.
The last vlogger I will include here is Aydin, an eloquent trans man who focuses on life post-transition. He vlogs under the handle 33Aydin, and his YouTube channel can be accessed by clicking here. Like many of these individuals, I've been following Aydin for several years, but I'll cut my analysis and recommendation short, as I will have more to say about him in an upcoming post.
Hero: Beth Ditto
Sexpertesse occassionally will feature heroes, people who embody the humanistic principles of this blog. My first hero is the beautiful, talented, and wise Beth Ditto.
Ditto is also an inspiration to trans people and their partners; Ditto's partner Freddie is transgender-identified, having transitioned from female-to-male. He and Ditto have been together supposedly since before his transition. Ditto, then, is a rare notable example of a lesbian-identified woman whose partner transitioned into a man. (Though you ladies might have guessed it, Ditto identifies as a femme.)
Given her outness, then, it might come as a suprise that the controversies that surround Ditto don't focus on her sexuality nor her feminist causes, but instead on her weight. Yeah, you read that correctly: in countries where the status and human-ness of LGBT people are under constant scrutiny (and sometimes up to popular vote), the part that really irks people about Ditto is the size of her waist.
Some, including Alex Bilmes of GQ, have criticized Ditto's weight, claiming her media exposure normalizes unhealthy weights. Ditto's weight has also encircled her success as a fashion icon. Appearing in numerous fashion magazines and runway shows, Ditto is arguably the only fullfigured fashion icon. Marie O’Riordan, former editor of Marie Claire, suggests that Ditto is used by the fashion indstury as a human shield against criticism of their size 0 standard. Ditto, thus, O'Riordan claims, is the fashion industry's attempt to avoid being labeled "body fascists." My questions is, though, does it much matter? No matter their intention in hiring Ditto, she still appears on covers, in spreads, and on runways, meaning, invariably, that some young voluptuous person will see her picture and think, "She's beautiful, and so am I," and thus Ditto's body-positive messages are reaching the very people who need them most.
In light of these criticisms, though, Ditto remains dignified, saying, "It's really interesting to me that people will look at a thin person and go, 'That's a healthy person.' To be thin and to stay really thin, some people literally do coke all the time. Some people smoke cigarettes instead of eating. That's crazy. But that's 'okay' because you look healthier." In 2009, Ditto also expanded her body-positive message by releasing a fashion line with Evans, the UK-based plus-size fashion designer and retailer. For readers in the EU, you can purchase some of Ditto's designs by visiting Evans, located here.
"I got my period just 10 minutes before we got there, and I was totally bleeding. I was doing it with my tranny boyfriend, who I’m in love with, and I was totally bleeding — how radical is that? — and I’m a fat person, and I’m a femme." - Beth Ditto about her NME photo shootBeth Ditto is best known as the leader singer of the indie rock, queercore group Gossip. With Gossip, Ditto is an unwavering advocate for LGBT rights and feminist causes. Ditto, who is a lesbian, tackled many LGBT and feminist issues during her stint as an advice columnist for The Guardian. You can read her column, What Would Beth Ditto do?, by clicking here.
Ditto is also an inspiration to trans people and their partners; Ditto's partner Freddie is transgender-identified, having transitioned from female-to-male. He and Ditto have been together supposedly since before his transition. Ditto, then, is a rare notable example of a lesbian-identified woman whose partner transitioned into a man. (Though you ladies might have guessed it, Ditto identifies as a femme.)
 |
| Beth Ditto and her partner Freddie |
Given her outness, then, it might come as a suprise that the controversies that surround Ditto don't focus on her sexuality nor her feminist causes, but instead on her weight. Yeah, you read that correctly: in countries where the status and human-ness of LGBT people are under constant scrutiny (and sometimes up to popular vote), the part that really irks people about Ditto is the size of her waist.
Some, including Alex Bilmes of GQ, have criticized Ditto's weight, claiming her media exposure normalizes unhealthy weights. Ditto's weight has also encircled her success as a fashion icon. Appearing in numerous fashion magazines and runway shows, Ditto is arguably the only fullfigured fashion icon. Marie O’Riordan, former editor of Marie Claire, suggests that Ditto is used by the fashion indstury as a human shield against criticism of their size 0 standard. Ditto, thus, O'Riordan claims, is the fashion industry's attempt to avoid being labeled "body fascists." My questions is, though, does it much matter? No matter their intention in hiring Ditto, she still appears on covers, in spreads, and on runways, meaning, invariably, that some young voluptuous person will see her picture and think, "She's beautiful, and so am I," and thus Ditto's body-positive messages are reaching the very people who need them most.
 |
| Ditto at Paris Fashion Week for Spring 2011 collections |
Ditto's fearless acceptance of her body, her sexuality, her trans partner; her commitment to body positivism and equal rights; and her rocking style make her a Sexpertesse hero. Please support her by purchasing music by The Gossip or her 2011 solo EP on Amazon or iTunes. The world needs more people like Beth Ditto, and her continued success in music is what permits her to have a relevant voice.
Ask Sexpertesse: Can I Get an STI from Masturbating?
Dear Sexpertesse,
I'm an eighteen-year-old girl who has never had sex. I started masturbating four years ago, but last week I have had swelling in my vagina. Can you get an STI from mastrubating on your own? I'm scared to go to the doctor because I don't want my mom to know I have been doing this. Please respond.
Dear reader,
Masturbation is a normal and healthy sex practice, and fortunately, it is virtually impossible to acquire a sexually-transmitted infection (STI) from solo masturbating. In order to give yourself an infection, you would already have to be infected and then pass that infection onto your non-infected self. Fortunately, that scenario is a paradox, so it's not possible. (What a load off your shoulders, right?!)
It is possible, though, for a person with an active herpes infection on their hands, foot, or mouth to infect their genitals while masturbating. This phenomenon is fairly rare for a number of reasons, among them, people often are aware of and have treated a wart on their hand, few people can autofellate themselves, etc. However, Reader, this kind of infection manifests as warts, small, raised bumps, on the genitals, and not as swelling, so this case does not apply to you.
Your swelling may be due to a number of factors. Firstly, did you know that the vulva and vagina engorge with blood during sex, giving them a swollen red look and feel? It's possible that you simply didn't notice this natural element of your physiology in the last four years. Secondly, have you recently been masturbating with greater intensity, greater frequency, or have you been forgoing lubrication? If so, give your genitals a few days to rest, and then resume masturbating normally, this time with added lubrication. If your masturbation practices have not changed and the swelling feels unnatural, however, it is time to visit a medical professional, preferrably an gynaecologist, a specialist in female sexual anatomy and health.
You will most likely need to speak to your parent(s) in order to afford to see a doctor. This blog maintains that honest, forthcoming dialogue - even about "tough topics" - is the fastest and most reliable way to greater health, knowledge, and intimacy, so I believe that you should tell your parent(s) about your needs as openly as you can.
However, is speaking to your parent(s) about this topic is completely impossible, you could try two other avenues. First, you could ask your parent(s) to make you an appointment with a gynaecologist, citing that many healthcare professionals suggest that women eighteen-years-old and older should have yearly pelvic exams. If that doesn't work, you should make an appointment with a low-cost healthcare provider in your community; I recommend Planned Parenthood. You can find a Planned Parenthood in your community by clicking here.
Though talking candidly about our sexual concerns, needs, and desires can be scary, it shouldn't be. However, if you are truly in a situation wherein it is impossible to express these feelings, it is important that you visit a healthcare provider that can evaluate your health concerns. Good luck.
I'm an eighteen-year-old girl who has never had sex. I started masturbating four years ago, but last week I have had swelling in my vagina. Can you get an STI from mastrubating on your own? I'm scared to go to the doctor because I don't want my mom to know I have been doing this. Please respond.
Dear reader,
Masturbation is a normal and healthy sex practice, and fortunately, it is virtually impossible to acquire a sexually-transmitted infection (STI) from solo masturbating. In order to give yourself an infection, you would already have to be infected and then pass that infection onto your non-infected self. Fortunately, that scenario is a paradox, so it's not possible. (What a load off your shoulders, right?!)
It is possible, though, for a person with an active herpes infection on their hands, foot, or mouth to infect their genitals while masturbating. This phenomenon is fairly rare for a number of reasons, among them, people often are aware of and have treated a wart on their hand, few people can autofellate themselves, etc. However, Reader, this kind of infection manifests as warts, small, raised bumps, on the genitals, and not as swelling, so this case does not apply to you.
Your swelling may be due to a number of factors. Firstly, did you know that the vulva and vagina engorge with blood during sex, giving them a swollen red look and feel? It's possible that you simply didn't notice this natural element of your physiology in the last four years. Secondly, have you recently been masturbating with greater intensity, greater frequency, or have you been forgoing lubrication? If so, give your genitals a few days to rest, and then resume masturbating normally, this time with added lubrication. If your masturbation practices have not changed and the swelling feels unnatural, however, it is time to visit a medical professional, preferrably an gynaecologist, a specialist in female sexual anatomy and health.
You will most likely need to speak to your parent(s) in order to afford to see a doctor. This blog maintains that honest, forthcoming dialogue - even about "tough topics" - is the fastest and most reliable way to greater health, knowledge, and intimacy, so I believe that you should tell your parent(s) about your needs as openly as you can.
However, is speaking to your parent(s) about this topic is completely impossible, you could try two other avenues. First, you could ask your parent(s) to make you an appointment with a gynaecologist, citing that many healthcare professionals suggest that women eighteen-years-old and older should have yearly pelvic exams. If that doesn't work, you should make an appointment with a low-cost healthcare provider in your community; I recommend Planned Parenthood. You can find a Planned Parenthood in your community by clicking here.
Though talking candidly about our sexual concerns, needs, and desires can be scary, it shouldn't be. However, if you are truly in a situation wherein it is impossible to express these feelings, it is important that you visit a healthcare provider that can evaluate your health concerns. Good luck.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Adam & Eve Stores
Adam & Eve is an upscale chain retail boutique that sells high-end sex and romance products for reasonable prices. Adam & Eve is noteworthy here at Sexpertesse because, unlike any other sex-based retail stores I have encountered, they have eliminated the creepy factor from their stores. Yep, you read that correctly: Adam & Eve is a sex store that isn't creepy. The stores are designed as large warehouse boutiques, so they are well-lit, clean, stylish spaces. Did I mention well-lit? Yes, again, you ready that correctly: Adam & Eve stores aren't dark dungeons where only loveless basement dwellers roam. The stores also don't have "viewing rooms," so at no time will you have the feeling that you are too close to a stranger's penile or vaginal fluids. Indeed, you can even take an online tour of their stores.
Each store is divided into several departments: apparel, toys, videos, novelty items, and safer sex supplies.
The apparel department carries lingerie for both women and men. For women, they offer a variety of styles, and the taste ranges from romantic to suggestive. For men, they offer mostly G-string and boxer underwears, but also carry T-shirts. Being a body-positive company, the stores also carries sizes for fullfigured beauties. Unlike many stores, however, there is no section of less-attractive fashions for larger women; plus-size options are the same styles as traditional ones and are located alongside the smaller sizes, meaning a fullfigured person doesn't need to feel excluded or relegated to another part of the store. In addition to undergarments, Adam & Eve also carries sexy and kitschy apparel, including leatherwares (the kind for leather enthusiasts, not bikers), shoes, wigs, and Halloween costumes.
Adam & Eve's has a wide selection of pornographic video selections in both DVD and Blu-Ray formants. Videos are organized by interest, such as "Asian," "Fetish," "Feature" (feature-length films with in-depth plots), and "Lesbian." Something I really appreciate about their labeling system is that it isn't racist. Yeah, I know it's sad that I need to include this information, but unfortunately, I feel much of pornography devalues people of color with terms like "Ebony sluts" and "Cholo gangbangers." Forunately, Adam & Eve doesn't label their videos in this manner nor do their stores carry these kinds of titles. There is also a rather sizable collection of animated materials for hentai fans. Admittedly, though, I feel Adam & Eve's video selection is their weakest point: they have little gay, lesbian, and bi material, and I couldn't find any lesbian pornography actually made for lesbian/bi women; they also label videos starring fullfigured women "Chunky," a word no larger beauty wishes to be called. To the positive, however, the company labels videos with transsexual performers "Transsexual," which I feel is a positive step away from the offensive terms "shemale" or "chicks with dicks."
The novelty items and safer sex supplies sections are relatively self-explanatory. The novelty items section includes things like birthday cards, cake tins, and sexy playing cards. The section of safer sex supplies includes condoms, dental dams, and lubes for people with latex allergies, too.
Adam & Eve's best department, however, is their sex toy department. The store carries a very wide selection of brand-name, high-quality sex toys such as Doc Johnson and Aneros. They carry everything from traditional vibrators to Cyberskin anal dildos to sleeves. They also sell light BDSM supplies, such as teather restraints and fuzzy handcuffs, as well as slings and whips for rougher practioners. The best part about this department is, though, the supreme service offered by the company's employees: Adam & Eve's employees are great at answering questions you may have about a particular toy and very helpful in finding the right toy for your particular desire. In addition, employees put fresh batteries into each toy before you purchase it to make certain that it works properly.
Adam & Eve has strict privacy and no-judgement policies, meaning that they are very accessible to professional, respectable people as well as LGBTs, people of color, the aged, and people living with disabilities. The chain also specifically markets itself to women and couples, who I would assume (from what I've witnessed) make up the majority of their customers.
Adam & Eve also sells products through their marvelously-designed online store. What, in my opinion, really sets this site apart is their strong search function. For instance, you can eliminate options by type of product, color, material, size, price, etc. Adam & Eve also ships products in unmarked, discreet packaging, meaning that your mailcarrier won't be poking at your sleeve in curiosity. You can access their online store here: Adam & Eve Online Store.
Adam & Eve is an excellent, health-minded, body- and identity-positive company that is professional, wholesome, and high-end. Truly, their format is unlike any other in the industry, and I believe they are worthy of the business of sex-positive people.
Each store is divided into several departments: apparel, toys, videos, novelty items, and safer sex supplies.
The apparel department carries lingerie for both women and men. For women, they offer a variety of styles, and the taste ranges from romantic to suggestive. For men, they offer mostly G-string and boxer underwears, but also carry T-shirts. Being a body-positive company, the stores also carries sizes for fullfigured beauties. Unlike many stores, however, there is no section of less-attractive fashions for larger women; plus-size options are the same styles as traditional ones and are located alongside the smaller sizes, meaning a fullfigured person doesn't need to feel excluded or relegated to another part of the store. In addition to undergarments, Adam & Eve also carries sexy and kitschy apparel, including leatherwares (the kind for leather enthusiasts, not bikers), shoes, wigs, and Halloween costumes.
Adam & Eve's has a wide selection of pornographic video selections in both DVD and Blu-Ray formants. Videos are organized by interest, such as "Asian," "Fetish," "Feature" (feature-length films with in-depth plots), and "Lesbian." Something I really appreciate about their labeling system is that it isn't racist. Yeah, I know it's sad that I need to include this information, but unfortunately, I feel much of pornography devalues people of color with terms like "Ebony sluts" and "Cholo gangbangers." Forunately, Adam & Eve doesn't label their videos in this manner nor do their stores carry these kinds of titles. There is also a rather sizable collection of animated materials for hentai fans. Admittedly, though, I feel Adam & Eve's video selection is their weakest point: they have little gay, lesbian, and bi material, and I couldn't find any lesbian pornography actually made for lesbian/bi women; they also label videos starring fullfigured women "Chunky," a word no larger beauty wishes to be called. To the positive, however, the company labels videos with transsexual performers "Transsexual," which I feel is a positive step away from the offensive terms "shemale" or "chicks with dicks."
The novelty items and safer sex supplies sections are relatively self-explanatory. The novelty items section includes things like birthday cards, cake tins, and sexy playing cards. The section of safer sex supplies includes condoms, dental dams, and lubes for people with latex allergies, too.
Adam & Eve's best department, however, is their sex toy department. The store carries a very wide selection of brand-name, high-quality sex toys such as Doc Johnson and Aneros. They carry everything from traditional vibrators to Cyberskin anal dildos to sleeves. They also sell light BDSM supplies, such as teather restraints and fuzzy handcuffs, as well as slings and whips for rougher practioners. The best part about this department is, though, the supreme service offered by the company's employees: Adam & Eve's employees are great at answering questions you may have about a particular toy and very helpful in finding the right toy for your particular desire. In addition, employees put fresh batteries into each toy before you purchase it to make certain that it works properly.
Adam & Eve has strict privacy and no-judgement policies, meaning that they are very accessible to professional, respectable people as well as LGBTs, people of color, the aged, and people living with disabilities. The chain also specifically markets itself to women and couples, who I would assume (from what I've witnessed) make up the majority of their customers.
Adam & Eve also sells products through their marvelously-designed online store. What, in my opinion, really sets this site apart is their strong search function. For instance, you can eliminate options by type of product, color, material, size, price, etc. Adam & Eve also ships products in unmarked, discreet packaging, meaning that your mailcarrier won't be poking at your sleeve in curiosity. You can access their online store here: Adam & Eve Online Store.
Adam & Eve is an excellent, health-minded, body- and identity-positive company that is professional, wholesome, and high-end. Truly, their format is unlike any other in the industry, and I believe they are worthy of the business of sex-positive people.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)