Ask Sexpertesse: Is my Post-Orgasm Depression Normal?

Dear Sexpertesse,

I am a nineteen-year-old male, and am a healthy person. However, I have this problem: I feel really sad and lonely after masturbating. This problem is so big that it prevents me from even trying most of the time, although I have no problems feeling horny or getting hard or anything like that. Is this normal? Can I do anything to prevent it?

Dear reader,

Take a deep breath, for what you are experiencing is a real thing and you can overcome it!

What you describe is called Post-Coital Tristesse, or PCT. Post-Coital Tristesse means “after-sex” (from Latin) “sadness” (from French), and it is characterized by intense sadness, depression, melancholy, and/or anxiety after orgasm. PCT usually lasts between thirty minutes and two hours. Additionally, PCT supposedly affects more men than women.

Post-Coital Tristesse is caused by a very-predictable flux in hormones that occurs in all humans after orgasm. After orgasm, levels of dopamine – a hormone heavily associated with sexual pleasure – plummet in the brain. At the same time, dopamine is also responsible for regulating the hormone prolactin, which is secreted continuously by the lactotrope cells in the absence of dopamine. With the lack of dopamine, prolactin levels rise, which retards the sexual arousal cycle (causing the refractory period) and, more importantly to the topic, induces the unwanted feelings of negativity. In other words, once a person orgasms, their levels of prolactin increase, which causes the depressive feelings of PCT. PCT, then, is a condition in which a person’s body does not reach hormonal equilibrium quickly enough after orgasm. Fortunately, there is some evidence that suggests that a person can overcome this imbalance in a refreshingly-simple way!

Interesting, some clinical studies have found that as many as 86% of people experiencing PCT are able to overcome it by simply reminding themselves that PCT is nothing more than a chemical imbalance that will soon right itself. Thus, what I recommend to you, dear reader, is this: when next you experience these negative feelings after orgasm, say aloud, “These feelings are not my fault. They are PCT, they will go away as my hormones regularize, and I will feel normal and content again soon!” This method isn’t quirky or unscientific; after all, thinking itself is a neurochemical and –electrical process, just like the unconscious thoughts through which the brain regulates hormone levels. Talk about the power of positive thinking, huh?!

Supposedly, most people will experience Post-Coital Tristesse a few times during their lifetime, but only a few will experience it serially or regularly. For this latter, smaller group, 86% of them will rid of these feelings through education about PCT and the way it works within two years. For those other 14%, though, they may want to consult with an endocrinologist and/or a therapist or sex therapist in their area for different help.

Ask Sexpertesse: Can I Get an STI from Masturbating?

Dear Sexpertesse,

I'm an eighteen-year-old girl who has never had sex. I started masturbating four years ago, but last week I have had swelling in my vagina. Can you get an STI from mastrubating on your own? I'm scared to go to the doctor because I don't want my mom to know I have been doing this. Please respond.

Dear reader,

Masturbation is a normal and healthy sex practice, and fortunately, it is virtually impossible to acquire a sexually-transmitted infection (STI) from solo masturbating. In order to give yourself an infection, you would already have to be infected and then pass that infection onto your non-infected self. Fortunately, that scenario is a paradox, so it's not possible. (What a load off  your shoulders, right?!)

It is possible, though, for a person with an active herpes infection on their hands, foot, or mouth to infect their genitals while masturbating. This phenomenon is fairly rare for a number of reasons, among them, people often are aware of and have treated a wart on their hand, few people can autofellate themselves, etc. However, Reader, this kind of infection manifests as warts, small, raised bumps, on the genitals, and not as swelling, so this case does not apply to you.

Your swelling may be due to a number of factors. Firstly, did you know that the vulva and vagina engorge with blood during sex, giving them a swollen red look and feel? It's possible that you simply didn't notice this natural element of your physiology in the last four years. Secondly, have you recently been masturbating with greater intensity, greater frequency, or have you been forgoing lubrication? If so, give your genitals a few days to rest, and then resume masturbating normally, this time with added lubrication. If your masturbation practices have not changed and the swelling feels unnatural, however, it is time to visit a medical professional, preferrably an gynaecologist, a specialist in female sexual anatomy and health.

You will most likely need to speak to your parent(s) in order to afford to see a doctor. This blog maintains that honest, forthcoming dialogue - even about "tough topics" - is the fastest and most reliable way to greater health, knowledge, and intimacy, so I believe that you should tell your parent(s) about your needs as openly as you can.

However, is speaking to your parent(s) about this topic is completely impossible, you could try two other avenues. First, you could ask your parent(s) to make you an appointment with a gynaecologist, citing that many healthcare professionals suggest that women eighteen-years-old and older should have yearly pelvic exams. If that doesn't work, you should make an appointment with a low-cost healthcare provider in your community; I recommend Planned Parenthood. You can find a Planned Parenthood in your community by clicking here.

Though talking candidly about our sexual concerns, needs, and desires can be scary, it shouldn't be. However, if you are truly in a situation wherein it is impossible to express these feelings, it is important that you visit a healthcare provider that can evaluate your health concerns. Good luck.